September 03, 2003

Osama won..... proof at your local airport

Bigger is not always better and more of anything is usually unhealthy. Moderation is the best approach; whether it be alcohol, drugs, driving, screaming kids or, airport security.

We lost something after 9-11.......... common sense maybe?

Last Friday I found myself stuck in the KC airport. It was, in retrospect, stupid of me to assume that I could a) get on an earlier flight and b) that anything would run normally in that airport. Rather than succumb to the entrapments of the 21st century, they've opted out of...............oh, x-ray machines and all of their metal detectors are set on "notice fillings".

Due to their limited reasoning skills or lack of equipment, their security seemed to ride the fine line between Draconian and Fetish-like.
- Do you need 11 screeners per gate or are they bilking the system? Or is it truly the government's goal to have a higher screener to passenger ratio than schools have for teachers to students? Wonder who's starting salary's higher?
- Are all teenagers such a potential threat that their baseball caps have to be ran through twice or is that only limited to the ones worn backwards?
- Is it mandatory to send all shoes through the detector? With that in mind, is it completely random that all the lithe young females in short skirts had to have the bottoms of their barefeet lifted up and held for manual scanning by the creepy screeners? Is it common now for young woman to transport illegal items transdermally in their feet?
- Is it truly necessary for every piece of luggage to be opened and rummaged through like it's last call on the $.50 box at a yard sale? My gift to them is two well-worn pieces of underwear, inside out on the top. Dig bitch.
- Once in the terrarium that is the waiting area, was the decision not to communicate reasons behind late flights made because it's a security risk? Is it too much to ask to provide customers with updates?
- What's with the no in's and out's? I'm not seeing the latest boy band at the local megalaplex and don't plan to sneak back in with a six-pack. I simply need to go whiz without being subjected to a body cavity search due to my walnut sized bladder.
- You checked my id at the counter, you checked my id twice in a space of about 5 feet by two separate people and then again when you handed me back my stinky-assed shoes. Next time, I'm licking that thing and sticking it to my forehead.
- My computer is not a weapon. It has silly stickers on it as well as corporate logos and bar-codes. It boots up. It's so flat and lightweight, there's no more room for components. You truly believe I've got C-4 shoved onto the motherboard?

Look at me you silly idiots, I'm tired, I'm hungry, you have my assed trapped late on a Friday and I'm going to miss seeing my kid before bedtime after being away for a week. You think I'm a viable candidate for downing a midwest shuttle flight? If I'm scowling, it's because you all suck, I'm inconvenienced and apologies and etiquette are apparently so 2000.

Posted by kerry at September 3, 2003 11:42 PM | TrackBack
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