100 monkeys typing.

Man and man! What is man?

In traditional Christian churches, the four weeks before Christmas are a period known as Advent. During the Sunday service, there will be a special reading from Scripture and a candle will be lit. Each candle represents a particular facet of what Christ's birth promises to the world: Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love.

At Doug Giles' ClashChurch™, they commemmorate only the three weeks before Christmas, and they celebrate what Doug Giles promises to the world:

· Competition
· Independence
· Responsibility

Doug lights the candles from the pulpit using a flamethrower.

Doug illustrates this week's topic (competition) using a manly anecdote from one of his manly hunting trips that he likes to take with his other manly friends:

Take the animal kingdom, for instance. While on one of my glorious and many hunting trips, I had two bucks feeding in front of my stand about 75 yards away. To my right, out of a thick stand of trees, comes a doe in to feed with the grass-munchin’ boys, and the next thing you know … it’s a WWE match in a South Florida palmetto patch. The two young bucks commenced to smashing their heads together over Bambi’s cute sister. The kicker is … while Frick and Frack are locked up vying for dominance … a more mature buck appears and begins to walk off with the doe … that is, until I shot him!

Take that, natural selection! (Of course, if Doug were as tough as he thinks he is, he would have fought the buck mano a mano, instead of cowering in a foxhole seventy-five yards away like the yellow-bellied pansy he really is).

And lastly, the male competitive spirit caused the production of a better breed of people. You know, in the animal kingdom, you don’t get to mate if you don’t exert your masculinity in the field by dominance.

And then when you do think you're going to get to mate, you get shot by Doug Giles.

Traditional society esteemed and structured man’s aggressiveness, realizing that men who like to fight were a must for the good society. Our forebears bridled the bad fruits and released the good produce of combative behavior by recounting great biblical narratives, by conducting ceremonies, and by maintaining an ethical code built around properly releasing this warrior spirit.

This is what's so great about Doug Giles. He puts so much mental energy into proving that he's a manly man, but by the time you get to the ClashPoint™ of his column, he's gibbering on about the "warrior spirit" like some suburban actuary who's just read Iron John for the first time.

Posted by dave at December 6, 2004 04:42 AM | TrackBack