Experiments in Truth
Subject: Dick Cheney
Test: Prove the degree to which blind faith trumps logic.
Tools Required:
Trial Method:
Remove peanuts from package. Measure capacity of wrapper and size turd appropriately. Roll turd in peanuts until they've become fully ensconsed in turd mass and exhibit all the primary visual characteristics of a Baby Ruth candy bar. Coat bar with melted chocolate. Wrap and seal manipulated turd into wrapper. Video entire process.
Deliver "Baby Ruth" to Douglas Feith with instructions to deliver the world's best candy bar to Dick Cheney. Instructions are, to ensure Baby Ruth is described as the perfect candy bar manufactured with the highest quality and to the Vice President's dictated specifications.
"Baby Ruth" is to be eaten in its entirity. Following its consumption, a press conference should be held in which actual contents of the candy bar are revealed. Send copies of videoed process to Hannity, O'Reilly and Limbaugh. Book the vice president on each of the 3 shows.
Desired Result:
Vice President Cheney will declare his "Baby Ruth" a tremendous success and unparalleled by any proceeding candy bar eaten, ever. As he moves from pundit to pundit, he will defend his decision to eat the bar despite its shit smell, freakish texture and obvious manipulation. As they echo his laudings, the right-wing blogosphere will pick up the meme and no less than a full week of discussion will orbit exclusively around how wonderful Dick's candy tastes and how wrong it is for people to question his authority on what dictates good from bad. It was his decision to eat and therefore correct despite all visual evidence to the contrary.
* Washing it down with the proverbial "Kool-Aid" not mandatory, just recommended.
Posted by kerry at April 6, 2007 04:24 AM