Amid the swirling confusion, rancor and partisan bickering over the validity of Global Warming lies a grand conspiracy. The fate of the planet, now caught up in a battle between good and evil with good being on the side of corporations, toxic waste and deforestation and evil on the side of planetary restoration and reuse is being manipulated by a hidden force. A force so great, so powerful that even scientists are blinded by it's might.
Deep in the recesses of an extinct volcano somewhere in the South Pacific resides an individual so feared, so reviled, so extraordinarily awesome that even the strongest opponents of Global Warming shake in terror. One lone man, who possesses such wealth and such power, he's able to affect the entire planet and yet mask his manipulation with the effortless precision.
When the scientists and other alarmists declare the polar ice caps are melting, he makes it happen via secret space laser technology. When Santa Ana winds and dry conditions need to be seen as the worst in recorded history, his wind machines and man-sized Bics, make it happen. If a satellite image of a raped rainforest is required, his mini-nukes extinguish all life for the camera. Polar bears, whales, delicate lemurs in Madagascar... all can be wiped with the flick of a wrist or a nod of his head. It's all manipulated for your consumption.
Who is this man and why would he work so hard and expend such financial expense to bolster the cause of the evil liberal agenda, wanting nothing more than to kill free enterprise, the future of unborn babies and to squash the oil trade? The same man whose at the helm of *EVERYTHING* nefariously liberal of course. George Soros.
His power is so vast and so immeasurable, it creates confusion and chaos simply by being. The name of no other man has caused so many strong and righteous fighters to collapse in a pool of their own piss at even it's mention. From bankrolling the evil Media Matters to being the financial plinth MoveOn requires to maintain their momentum through being fully responsible for every single last circumstantial piece of Global Warming evidence to date, the evil evil liberal mastermind has left a fingerprint in all of it. Rumors are still swirling as to how he may have orchestrated the removal of WMDs from Iraq in 2003.. but that we leave that speculation to the professionals.
If you want manifested evil infusing itself in clean tap water, the lack of petro-chemicals in your food, car, child's toys and breasts, the trees in the forest, normalized oceans efficient energy and blue skies then side with the liberals. If you want goodness through free trade, less immigrants, no regulation (except in your bedroom) and a caste system built under and oligarchy... then align with those who walk in the light of purity and fight the the progressive menace.
Update: The weirdness never ceases to be self-propagating.
Posted by kerry at October 25, 2007 02:20 AM