Iowa... Cock Us!
The after xmas sales continue today in the Midwest. This week and this week only, candidates are serving themselves up for the down-home vote.
The GOP smorgasboard offers:
- Captain Special Underpants who's willing to toe the party line now that he really needs the base in the other 49 states.
- Bush's Straight Talkin' Leg Humper who's getting less air time now that the Daily Show's off the air.
- Another actor, this time with a trophy wife.
- Mr. 9/11, with enough youthful indiscretion baggage to stuff the cargo hold of a 747.
- A Baptist minister who's willing to pardon all the illegal Pakistani immigrants if they'd relocate to his AIDs island.
- There's Tancredo and Hunter but unless southern fences are our highest priority, the suits are empty.
- The Libertarian in an elephant suit.
- ...and Jesus. But we all know the GOP base wouldn't vote for a liberal black hippie.
The Donkey buffet's serving up it's own steaming casserole.
- Mrs. Bill the Tactician for whom being a centrist means *TRIANGULATE EVERYTHING!*.
- An articulate African American who will single-handedly yank all the quiet racism in the nation to the forefront.
- The son of a millworker.
- Joe Biden (D - Bank of America)
- The one Senator who thinks unwarranted spying is wrong.
- French for "crushed rock".
- A Hispanic with a mind-boggling resume.
- The Yin to Bush's Yang complete with a MILF but is totally unelectable and a security risk with his alien ties.
By the time we see our extra day in February, all of this will have been decided for us and the remaining primaries will be exercises in futility.
As Dora, The Illegal Immigrant Explorer would say, "DELICIOSO!"
Posted by kerry at January 3, 2008 04:45 AM