100 monkeys typing.

Highlights magazine reviews blogworld reaction to the Amnesty International report

Goofus.

Gallant.

pharisaical poopyheads

* California, where a 'total recall' buys the citizens, free holes and product placement.

* In the running for the most ignored story in the American Media; The Downing Street Memo.

* The seemingly Infinite Nookie War of 2005, will the tide turn?

* Winning the hearts and minds in Iraq. Oh, wait... who's in charge again?

* Tax-exempt policy makers?

Self-Righteous Indignation

Paris Hilton's got the wingers' panties in a bunch. Bless her little emaciated heart. For someone who serves no other purpose than to incite controversy, it's ironic to see her pushing a burger you *know* she's never tasted.

Apparently...

And that's what CKE Restaurants, Inc. -- the parent company of burger chains Carl's Jr. and Hardee's -- have launched: a sneak attack on parents.

Yeah, sneak attacks... first rule of burger franchises. That and funding the GOP. At least there's no vision side effect from the burgers or the commercials.

Paging Dr Freud...

Dear AP, pronouns are hard, aren't they?

INDIANAPOLIS - Danica Patrick lived up to the hype. Now, what does she do for an encore? Patrick stole the show at the Indianapolis 500, giving the guys a real run for their money and nearly grabbing the biggest purse in auto racing before finishing fourth.

The 5-foot-2, 100-pound rookie thrilled the 300,000 or so spectators at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway who spent much of the final 30 laps on their feet screaming and cheering as he she tried to pull off the biggest upset in 89 years of Indy history.

(...)

Man, I can hardly wait," Patrick said. "I love being in the race car. That's why I'm in this sport. And I guess I'll have to win a race before people really believe in me." ED: or get an addadicktomy, apparently

Because There Aren't Enough Foxes in the Henhouse Already

Jesus would want us rewarding bad behavior, right?

"And the Lord spake unto him, "Find the most reprehesible partisan tool amongst the land". "Bring unto me, one candidate only, one who is as unparalleled in clandestine funding and underhanded tactics as my blessed son, Tom DeLay". "Let him be a test upon the nation". "Let the resounding silence from the populace be the resounding support you so desire". "Assume the vast vacuum of outrage be the wind in your sails". "Eat them, they are yours".

"There's no way that Myanmar will continue to be the worst country in the world as long as I'm still in charge around here!" Mugabe may have added

You can imagine the scene. Robert Mugabe is sitting around a big table with his cabinet. He says "Under my leadership we have driven Zimbabwe into poverty, destroyed any semblance of democracy, turned our most productive farmland into an arid plain, and made our country an international pariah. But it's not enough. Some of the farmers whose lands we have stolen have won lawsuits against our policy of arbitrary confiscation. We must do something. But what?"

He looks around the table.

The Minister of Foreign Affairs says "It must be drastic enough to cause the rest of the world to consider us to be barbaric."

The Minister of Agriculture says "It must cause any farms that still exist to become fallow."

The Minister of Justice says "It must be an outrage against any norms of law."

The Minister of Finance says "It must increase poverty and make absolutely no economic sense whatsoever."

All eyes turn back to the President. Robert Mugabe speaks again. "I've got it!" he says. "We should expropriate all the land in the country, and amend the Constitution to make private land ownership illegal".

Local boy makes good

How's this for a claim to fame? I once spent the night on Dan Nexon's futon and had my toes nibbled on by his psychotic kitten.

(via)

D'oh of the day

Memo to Oxfam: When you're selling wristbands to raise awareness about world poverty, make sure the wristbands aren't being made by people who are forced to work "a seven-day week for less than the minimum wage, with no annual leave, no right to freedom of association, and poor health and safety provisions".

Wanker of the day

Race-car driver Robby Gordon:

Robby Gordon accused Danica Patrick of having an unfair advantage in the Indianapolis 500 and said yesterday he will not compete in the race again unless the field is equalized.

Gordon, a former open-wheel driver now in NASCAR, contends that Patrick is at an advantage over the rest of the competitors because she only weighs 100 pounds. Because all the cars weigh the same, Patrick's is lighter on the race track.

"The lighter the car, the faster it goes," Gordon said. "Do the math. Put her in the car at her weight, then put me or Tony Stewart in the car at 200 pounds and our car is at least 100 pounds heavier.

"I won't race against her until the IRL does something to take that advantage away."

Danica suggests the real reason why Robby is afraid of losing to a girl:

QOTD

Now, a personal savings account would be a part of a Social Security retirement system. It would be a part of what you would have to retire when you reach retirement age. As you -- as I mentioned to you earlier, we're going to redesign the current system. If you've retired, you don't have anything to worry about -- third time I've said that. (Laughter.) I'll probably say it three more times. See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda. (Applause.)

Keeping their hands firmly on your uterus

Today’s Naral Pro-Choice America Report

The Senate may have reached a compromise to disarm the nuclear option, but don't think that means this anti-choice Congress is willing to compromise its far-right agenda.

This time, not only did our opponents take aim at our courts, they even turned their backs on women in the military.

· House Republican leaders refused to allow debate or votes on two amendments that would have provided compassionate health care to military women who’ve been raped. The first would have ensured that the morning-after pill, ordinary birth control pills that can prevent pregnancy after sex or assault, is made available to servicewomen at every military base. The second amendment would have allowed women to use their military health insurance for abortion care in cases of rape or incest. Given that sexual assaults against servicewomen rose 25 percent in 2004, it's appalling that anti-choice lawmakers refused to allow these amendments to even come to a vote.

· Military women were also yet again denied the right to access abortion care at military facilities overseas when the House defeated an amendment to repeal a ban that forbids servicewomen and female military dependents from using their own money to pay for an abortion at overseas military hospitals.

So, you're a soldier - you just happen to be female - and you're serving your country in Iraq. (You're there because you were lied to but that's a whole other ball o' wax.) You're captured or perhaps just in the wrong place at the wrong time and you're tortured - raped, sodomized, beaten, left for dead. The usual fun & games that go along with war. First, you aren't allowed to take a pill that will prevent a pregnancy from this horrific attack. Okay, so a few months down the pike when you discover you ARE pregnant, you are forced to carry the pregnancy to full term because (a) you aren’t earning a living wage in the military and your military medical insurance will not cover an abortion OR (b) even if you could scrape together the necessary funds you aren't allowed to use your own funds to get an abortion. I believe that just about covers it, eh? Life as you know it is over. The horror of war, the horror of rape, have now altered your life irrevocably. And now you have a child that you did not plan, that you did not want, that you cannot support on the salary you earn in "this man's army." Any plans for your future have been crushed. The days of making your own decisions about what contribution you can make in our society are over. Such lofty goals for a young woman, anyway, right? What could YOU possibly have to contribute?

'Tis a pity you weren't born with descending genitals. Too bad, so sad. It sucks to be you.

The right-wing-bible-thumping-fundamentalist-republican-douchebags believe the “right to life” begins at conception. They apparently also believe that it ends at birth. Especially if you have a vagina.

It's been swell, but the swelling's gone down.

Bouncing all over the place like 3 year old after a double shot mocha java.

* The normally hyper-conservative Dallas Morning News actually took a look at the Texas regressive tax plan and where the legislature is with actually getting some work done.

* Well, you win some and you lose some.

* Celebrating the win on the TRMPAC yesterday's a bit like getting all worked up over a touchdown in the first 5 minutes of the 1st quarter. Still a long game to go.

* RIP Media. We hardly knew ya.

* Well, better late than never.

* GeorgieLand, rolling back the clock on sociological evolution daily.

* This, is the result of an activist judge. Dictating religion.

* Nice resume.

* Title of the Day: "Creationism: God's gift to the ignorant"

I don't care how excrementally runny it is, hand it over with all speed

Oh, the cat's eaten it.

I don't know. And neither do you.

Ahhhhh, the end of the semester (not teaching again until Fall), my show has closed (to some awesome reviews, I might add) and I’m back in bidness!

Most people (if you're not in the theatre) know John Patrick Shanley as the Oscar-winning screenwriter of Moonstruck. However, he's written many more stage plays and there is talk of a Pulitzer Prize for his current show, Doubt, now running on Broadway. The human need to know and to seek the answer to the ultimate question: Why are we here? is what forces the weak and frightened to remove doubt from their thinking. That's how and why the fundamentalist religions exist. But none of us living on this earth know the answer. You don't. I don't. And that's the beauty of Mr. Shanley's play. He doesn't attempt to answer the question. He finds beauty in doubt. It's a profound and timely message. Read more here.

"Doubt has gotten a bad reputation. People who are utterly certain are vulnerable to a brand of foolishness that people who maintain a level of doubt are not." (11/20/04 New York Times, interview with David Cote).

“....doubt itself is a passionate exercise. I think it's perceived in this culture as something weak or denatured, and that's a huge mistake. Conviction is what you do to be comfortable, to write THE END on thinking. Doubt keeps you in the present, it keeps you conscious and reacting to and acting on what is going on now. It's work, and people like to avoid work." (4/1/05 Entertainment Weekly, interview with Mary Kaye Schilling) --- John Patrick Shanley

Sticking with evolution.

And not.

What is it with these right-wing Christians? Faced with a choice between sex and death, they choose death every time. I posit that they're just not doing it right.

Which of these is not like the other?

Sometimes, the information sorta speaks for itself, don't it?

Porn star and former gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey will be joining her boss, Kick Ass Pictures president Mark Kulkis, in attending a dinner with President Bush in Washington, D.C. on June 14.

Kulkis was invited to attend the event by the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC), which is organizing the event. Over a two-day course of NRCC events preceding the dinner, Carey and Kulkis will be attending a meeting with presidential advisor Karl Rove, giving their recommendations on important national issues.

LAKEWOOD, Wash. (AP) — Mary Carey, a pornographic film star who ran for California governor in a recall election in 2003, has been arrested in a raid on a new strip club in this Tacoma suburb, police said.

Culture of Life

This:

is NOT more important than;

• People who need organ transplants.
• Prisoners of war.
• Our National Guard.
• Iraqi citizens.
• Our viable children.
• Victims of genocide.

When Terri Shaivo and a blastocyst become the primary focus of our elected officials while millions go to bed hungry, uninsured and jobless... a 'culture of life' is nothing more than empty words.

You'll never walk alone

Best. Comeback. Ever. Down 3-0 at halftime, Liverpool FC claw their way back to 3-3 and then beat AC Milan on penalties. Unfreakingbelievable.

What'll They Think of Next?

* When criticizing the military's methods is treason, we're no longer living in a democracy. When a Congressman gets more upset over what he hears on HBO than the lies on the House floor, we're through the looking glass.

* Ah Texas, the land shrouded in mystery and chock-fulla state pride. A vast expanse that harbors varied and unique fauna. Where cheerleaders are verboten and schools are so underfunded that they can't afford to research all the kids' names for the yearbook.

* When you are what you say you are, you should no longer have to say what you are... unless your rhetoric matches not, your actions. The GOP wingers are talented at massaging the lexicon. Pay attention.

* Sentiments of the simple minded. If it confuses you, attack it.

* Our pending theocratic nightmare was predicted.

* Perspective on the filibuster compromise; fresh, new, tingly, blue!

* The great and powerful OZ is unhappy. OZ needs a visit from the equally great and powerful IRS.

* What Would Yoda Do? ed: yes, it's a parody.

Nukyular Option

Dobson 0 Democracy 1. The compromise wasn't result I'd personally hoped for but it's much better than the alternative. The loss of the filibuster wasn't about the nominees in question right now folks. It's about the upcoming loss of our Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and the tools needed to ensure fairness in the process of confirming a new one.

The truly unexpected and enjoyable aspect of a rare bi-partisan agreement is watching the freeper-esque head spinning of the vast right-wing stupidity. Anger over a joint agreement between the parties? It's not siding with the enemy, it's called negotiation... an activity commonly found in many governments internationally and even in some of our state level offices. The "winner take all" approach is a rather juvenile playground mentality and works better in marbles and war. Stick with what you know.

Mundane Muse

* It's fascinating when you realize that the earth was created the minute man developed a method of capturing stories and that his own evolution stopped when he refused to consider that life may have begun much much earlier than the stories.

* Nothing makes America safer than the ability to spy on its own people. Freedom's being able to live without threat of invasion of privacy not the right to buy an SUV.

* Quit navel-gazing. Show reality and let the public sort out their feelings. If they can't handle the truth of war, they shouldn't have elected a "war president". It's not insensitive to show the horror we've manufactured under the guise of installing freedom and democracy.

* Onward, ye Christian Soldiers.

* Sad when those producing the news are blind to their own hypocrisy.

* I'm wary of the "compromise" the Senators made on the filibuster. There's a reason they need to use it in these circumstances.

* $50 says Lucianne's little puppy whacks off to his fan mail.

* This week in judgemental stupidity, Dennis Prager informs us that without his God, all of our lives have no purpose. Well, let's get his God, it'll allow us to avoid paying taxes, have free accesss to those in power, we'll get to solicit unregulated funds over the airways and commit varied and widely publicized sins while being forgiven over and over each time we cry on TV. Neat huh? Gottagetagod.

Inspirational Thoughts

The first in what appears to be a 10-part series (who's running out of things to say?), Motel 6's most prolific author and big game hunter, shares his view on what it takes to be a loser. We all need helpful hints from those more talented than ourselves from time to time. Let's check in on Dougie's corner of reality.

The large losers that I have met have rarely, if ever, touched the bible. They couldn’t care less if some of the greatest and most benevolent people in history were serious believers. To develop the Disaster Master Mind©, convince yourself that the Old and New Testaments are unsubstantiated fairy tales written by a bunch of men a bazillion years ago, and that it’s irrelevant for modern times—that is, according to your undergrad philosophy teacher. To assure your decline in life, I would never pray, read the scripture or remotely follow any of its teachings. As a matter of fact, if you really want to muck up your life, do the opposite of what it says. Develop a deep disdain for anything divine. Y’know what else would be good? Start a blog devoted to ridiculing God, Christ and Christianity. Yeah, that’s it. Do that for a while and see what happens.

I'd much rather devote a blog to ridiculing those biblical literalists who feel it's their calling to judge other with vast and unsubstantiated sweeping generalizations.

As for following biblical teachings, the administration appears to be allowed to pick and choose to suit their needs. Let's play along at home.

Leviticus 12:1-5 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean. 3 And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised. 4 And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled. 5 But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.

It's not what's *IN* the bible, it's what you do with it.

Matthew 21:12-13 And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, 13 And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.

Course now, it's all televised... but the song remains the same. Like when ministers offer DVDs of their hunting exploits.

Quote-worthy

Gay marriage: It impacts the weak-minded. What a fantastically amazing power. Two people, in a monogamous and committed relationship can cause an individual across town to turn to the dark side. The "Force" seems weak by comparison.

That is one reason why we must oppose same-sex “marriage.” The minute it is socially and legally accepted by society, we will all feel the enormous psychological pressure to renounce our moral and religious convictions.

Stiff Competition

Fascinating.

Energy Efficiency

Is there a statue of limitations on how long you can taunt your best friend, after carting 3 gallons of gas to him in your 19 mpg truck when his hybrid ran out of fuel?

just curious.

Ike Spikes

Think our Historian in Chief, ever read this?

Eisenhower wrote his brother Edgar on May 2, 1956: "Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again.... There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are H.L. Hunt...a few other Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or businessman from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."

Mystery solved

Step 2 in the Underpants Gnomes quest has been found.

• Step 1: Collect underpants.
• Step 2: Publish photos of deposed dictator wearing them in Rupert Murdoch's paper, possibly violating the Geneva Convention.
• Step 3: Profit.

oooh, the dichotomy

"I've made it very clear to the Congress that the use of federal money, taxpayers' money, to promote science which destroys life in order to save life -- I'm against that. And therefore if the bill does that, I will veto it," Bush told reporters.

:%s /science/democracy/g

bloody hypocrite.

Revenge of the Sith

• George Lucas redeemed himself.
• Whining is genetic. (see: Vader/Luke)
• I felt 10 again. A few moments of 1977 came flooding back.
• My God, Natalie Portman is *such* a hottie.
• Yoda rocks.
• All the lingering questions are answered.
• I need a lightsabre. technology, catch up.
• Go see it.

Quote of the Day

The Donald:

[T]he Freedom Tower should not be allowed to be built.

It's sort of like the way that Jerry Falwell starts up a school with a list of rules a mile long (hair code violation: $10. watching an R-rated movie: $50.) and then calls the place "Liberty University".

(via)

Odd Parts

Inquiring Minds

Why is no one is asking the truly amazing question: Where can I, a lowly tax-paying citizen, get a pentagon funded toilet that's designed so well, that it's able compensate for 3rd world water pressure *and* possesses enough strength to suck down a full-sized Koran? There's gotta be a market for this.

Elsewhere

* Once we quit lying to the world, maybe they'll begin to believe us when use the Bart Simpson "I didn't do it" approach.

* Are you getting your money's worth? Is your state? Are your congresscritters standing up for you? Unless you live in Alaska, the answer is no.

* The White House press corps grew a set. A small set but worthy of notice anyway.

* Sunny day in fantasy land. Don't you wish this was true?

* Filibustering facts.

* Can you imagine the effort required to get *this* worked up over a movie you won't go see? Um, it's a flick. Hyped and commercialized, but a flick. Wow.

* Cambodians who do not study ancient Roman history.

* As the rhetoric builds to a frenetic pace, it's only surpassed by the infinite stupidity.

Unidentified Anonymous Unnamed Sources Say

(AP) Iraq: Speaking on conditions of complete and total anonymity and from an underground bunker somewhere in the region formerly known as Mesopotamia, an unidentified source has provided evidence that both house to house fighting in Fallujah and surgical precision bombing in Baghdad may have led to the destruction of countless copies of the Holy Koran. Instances of the holy book being knocked to the floor and oftentimes jostled in such a way as to cause them temporary toilet residence, were significantly overshadowed by the vast number that instantly combusted along with their respective owners, when temperatures in the houses exceeded 451 degrees fahrenheit.

Sources close to the White House have indicated that investigations are underway to provide asbestos book covers to the entire Iraqi population to avoid this type of loss in future sorties. Out of a diplomatic respect for equality in religious expression, all efforts possible will be made to divert gunfire and other explosives, away from holy text and keep it on the populace at large. At the behest of the White House, Newsweek will be issuing a special edition Cliff Notes release of the Koran in English to be distributed across the vast Iraqi plains of democracy on the next APO run.

I do, I do, I like your party hat

Condi,

Michael Dukakis called, he wants his helmet back.

Think she explained to these folks how she was in charge of their post-war environment? Bet not.

The Nookie Police

What is it with the desperate return to puritanical law? Ohio's got no crime, no poverty, no unemployment and perfect roads, thus allowing their state legislature the free time to focus on defining sex for women.

Ohio women who use tampons can now rest easy that they're engaging in "sexual conduct," which is now defined under Sec. 2907.01 as "vaginal intercourse between a male and female; anal intercourse, fellatio, and cunnilingus between persons regardless of sex; and, without privilege to do so, the insertion, however slight, of any part of the body or any instrument, apparatus, or other object into the vaginal or anal cavity of another. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete vaginal or anal intercourse."

Likewise, office workers will want to take care who they bump into at the water cooler, since "sexual contact" is now "any touching of an erogenous zone of another, including without limitation the thigh, genitals, buttock, pubic region, or, if the person is a female, a breast, for the purpose of sexually arousing or gratifying either person." And violators of either standard will also find that they have engaged in "sexual activity."

Via Tbogg, we get a glimpse into what may have been the well of inspiration from which they drank.

It's called, research

In depth analysis of the upcoming Texas Gubernatorial race, or not. Paul Weyrich gets it wrong in multiple publications.

It appears we may witness a highly contested Republican Primary for Governor, the winner of which could be the victor in the 2006 General Election. Republican Governor Rick Perry is the incumbent. He was George W. Bush's gubernatorial running mate when Bush defeated Democratic Governor Ann Richards in 1994 and was re-elected with Bush in 1998. When Governor Bush became President Bush, Lt. Governor Rick Perry became Governor Rick Perry. Two years later Perry was elected in his own right. Now he is running for a second full term.

How hard is it to do just a wee bit of research before looking like an idiot? The sad thing, Bob Bullock (Lt. Governor 1994-98) was a *legend* in Texas. He actually ran the state for Bush during his first and *only* full term in office. In Texas, the Lt. Governor doesn't run on the same "ticket" as the Governor. Governor Goodhair does stand alone though as the first Republican Lt. Governor.

For the record, the 1994 Texas candidate results were:

Governor    
 Ann W. Richards(I) DEM 2,016,928 45.87% 
 George W. Bush REP 2,350,994 53.47% 
 Keary Ehlers LIB 28,320 0.64% 
   -----------  
  Race Total 4,396,242  
----------------------------------------   
Lieutenant Governor    
 Bob Bullock(I) DEM 2,631,843 61.48% 
 H.J. (Tex) Lezar REP 1,648,848 38.51% 
   -----------  
  Race Total 4,280,691 
----------------------------------------   
Commissioner of Agriculture    
 Marvin Gregory DEM 1,479,692 35.98% 
 Rick Perry(I) REP 2,546,287 61.92% 
 Clyde L. Garland LIB 85,836 2.08% 
   -----------  
  Race Total 4,111,815 

World View

Just for fun and results, not that surprising.

When Surprise Trumps Anger

* Bigger Brother bill sails through House and Senate with zero opposition. Citizens nap.

* Kansas backs up the buick, accelerates and shoves their heads further up their collective asses. Paleontologists giggle.

* Uzbekistan boils their citizens. White House touts relationship and asks for recipe.

* Jesus hates filibusters. Third party spokespeople agree.

In Ohio, the Rev. Rod Parsley of the World Harvest Church said at a gathering of 1,000 Patriot Pastors last week that the issues underscoring the filibuster fight transcend partisan politics.

"We're not Democrats. We're not Republicans. We're Christocrats," he declared.

* The Koran, fuel for ideological fire. Flushing puts out fire.

* Oil for Food Scandal. Good for US business.

* God created the heavens, the earth and marijuana. Which one get's you five years for abusing?

* Frist rule of "Nuclear Option". Do not talk about Nuclear Option.

Whattaracket

Gitmo Redux

• Newsweek does a story on Guantanamo and "Koran abuse".
• Gets a nod on content from DOD.
• Publishes it.
• Nary a peep from the White House for 11 days.
• Afghanistan & Pakistan erupt.
• White House and Pentagon demand retraction.
• Newsweek pulls and recants story and source.
• Newsweek is then castigated for shedding bad light on Guantanamo.

Good thing it's all Newsweek's fault, huh? I'd hate to think of who would take the blame if we were abusing prisoner or something. What would this administration do without their media stool pigeon?

Downtime

The monkeys were unceremoniously offlined this morning due to "MT abuse". (see: spam) New filtering (Spamlookup)has been implemented that will be vastly more restrictive but hopefully not too cumbersome for the random commentor.

Normal snarking to resume momentarily.

In the meantime, go check out:

* barefoot and pregnant.
* inexperience knows no boundries.

I got $1000 for the twenty minutes it took to crank out this column... that's what you get for a whole week's work at your job, isn't it?

Shorter Leah McLaren: If you ignore all my other columns, you'll recognize this as being satire.

Getting Closure

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Pentagon proposed Friday about 180 military installations from Maine to Hawaii including 33 major bases, triggering the first round of base closures in a decade and an intense struggle by communities to save their facilities.

Underscoring the sweep of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's plan, the 33 major bases he would shutter are more than any of the previous four rounds of closings. He would also close or reduce the personnel at hundreds of smaller facilities that would remain open. (Related: Full Pentagon list | PDF with plan details)

Overall, Rumsfeld said his plan would save $48.8 billion over 20 years while making the military more mobile and better suited for the global effort against terrorism.

Rumsfeld's proposal calls for a massive shift of U.S. forces, leading to a net loss of 29,005 military and civilian jobs, including personnel who would be moved home from overseas. He proposed cutting a total of 218,570 military and civilian positions from some bases while adding 189,565 positions to others, Pentagon documents show.

It's a crucifiable offense when this happens under a Democrat but justifiable under a Republican. For those keeping score at home, here's your history lesson.

Civil War

Reality's trumping Spin

WASHINGTON -- An unchastened insurgency sowed devastation across Iraq Wednesday as experts here said the country is either on the verge of civil war or already in the middle of it.

In the course of the day: Four car bombs detonated in Baghdad; a man wearing explosives at an army recruitment center in Hawija, north of Baghdad, blew himself and many others up; a car bomb exploded in a marketplace in Tikrit, north of Baghdad; and the country's largest fertilizer plant was heavily damaged by a bomb in the usually quiet southern city of Basra. Meanwhile, U.S. Marines were winding up a remarkable pitched battle against surprisingly well-equipped and determined insurgents on Iraq's western border. Some 76 Iraqis were reported killed and more than 120 wounded in the one day of violence.

With security experts reporting that no major road in the country was safe to travel, some Iraq specialists speculated that the Sunni insurgency was effectively encircling the capital and trying to cut it off from the north, south and west, where there are entrenched Sunni communities. East of Baghdad is a mostly unpopulated desert bordering on Iran.

"It's just political rhetoric to say we are not in a civil war. We've been in a civil war for a long time," said Pat Lang, the former top Middle East intelligence official at the Pentagon.

Oh, my God. Who in the world could have predicted this? Oh yeah, me. Wish I'd been wrong.

Getting Ahead in Politics

In a final and desperate attempt to win over 100% of the Senate majority, Bolton makes them an offer, they can't refuse.

In the Shorts

Bits

* Um, in the butt, Bob?

* Cancelled, due to lack of interest or they couldn't afford to continue paying guests.

* Tom Ridge's career plans have just been elevated to "High Alert" status.

* Hey George, whattaya make of this British memo? "A hat, a brooch or a pterodactyl".

* Ongoing Mutually Assured Stupidity. Please duck and cover.

* Confuse your favorite winger, use facts.

Equal Opportunity Taunting

Oh, the horror... the horror

Some walked slowly to Union Station, taking out their cell phones and conducting business as usual. Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., shuffled in the afternoon heat, leaning against a pole and pausing to catch his breath.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., was literally lifted out of her pinkish high heels by Capitol Police in a hallway outside the House chamber. One shoe was later found; the other remains missing.

Bush is Bigger than God

at least, according to these folks.

Holy Mackerel! BushFish... what a perfect name for a lesbian bar.

elsewhere...

You're still being lied to, pay attention.

Finally, Good News

The overwhelming reduction in violence, our raging success, the complete and total winning of the hearts and minds and last but not least, the ability to vote & do your nails has Ms Coulter providing us with this snippet of really good news.

One of the Sunnis picked for a cabinet post turned it down on the grounds that he thought he was chosen simply to fill a Sunni quota. "I don't believe in sectarianism," he said, "I believe in democracy." So I'll be moving to Iraq soon to live in a country that forcefully rejects quotas.

mmmmkay, bye bye.

Local Lovin'

Just the facts, ma'am

Report Card
Rep. Jeb Hensarling's Connections to Tom DeLay

Accepted $20,000
from Tom DeLay's PAC

Donated $5,000
to DeLay's Legal Defense Fund

Voted 96.9%
of the time with DeLay
(687 of 709 votes)

Where I come from, this isn't leadership, this is a lemming.

ignoble idolatry

* Methinks, the IRS has enough potential work available to them to keep their auditors busy for the next decade or so and may have the opportunity to assist in solving a large portion of the national debt. Here's to the merging of church and state, as long as the state's getting their fair share.

* Who would have dreamed that in our lifetimes we'd be returning to the Scopes monkey trial? We're witnessing, ironically, the de-evolution of the education of our youth as we rip apart science, fail to treat sex education as part of biology and health and limit the scope of understanding to a book written by people who thought the earth was flat.

* Laura Bush, now appearing nightly through June at the DC Improv, will be capitalizing on her ribal and stunning portrayal of the president's penchant for large animal "husbandry". How is the administration's fan base taking this dramatic change? Let's check in with them.

Brent Bozell's not happy, but criticizing the administration's foreign territory and therefore, treads lightly.

By contrast with the Chippendales comedy routine, the First Lady gives a completely different impression in the May issue of Ladies' Home Journal, explaining how she tried to bring up her daughters by showing them her own self-discipline, by taking them to church and, even now, by taking care of her mother, who has moved into a retirement home.

America is grateful for a president and first lady who lead lives that don't look anything like "Desperate Housewives." The Bush family now needs to resist the urge to pander to Hollywood for political gain, and focus more attention on the growing American majority horrified by what that industry is teaching their children nightly.

The Catholics, not nearly as amused.

Within limits, graciousness and wit are qualities that should be generously appreciated. However, in these times, where all of society and especially youth are exposed to so many negative influences in a sex-saturated world, the nation’s leaders should be wholesome models regardless of the context of their actions.

Diana West though is just appalled.

Why? When a woman happens to be first lady, "funny" at any expense isn't part of the job description, not when "funny" comes at the expense of her husband's image. And I don't mean "image" as in public relations product. I mean "image" as in public symbol. World leader. Commander-in-chief. In these explosive times, with tens of thousands of soldiers under arms. Which is a sobering thought, or should be.

* When did it become preferable to crush the little guy over leveling the playing field or, at a minimum considering everyone? I guess when, *this* is what passes as a legitmate news item...

* John Stossel's not just a refreshing addition to Townhall, he's also their leading authority on sugar usage and its affect on children and your daily water needs. Fascinating stuff. If you missed his last piece on coffee quality, you've not lived.

* SCLM update. Ah, the ties that bind.

Lowjacking your ass

Freedom is slavery

What's all the fuss with the Real ID Act about? President Bush is expected to sign an $82 billion military spending bill soon that will, in part, create electronically readable, federally approved ID cards for Americans. The House of Representatives overwhelmingly approved the package--which includes the Real ID Act--on Thursday.

What does that mean for me?
Starting three years from now, if you live or work in the United States, you'll need a federally approved ID card to travel on an airplane, open a bank account, collect Social Security payments, or take advantage of nearly any government service. Practically speaking, your driver's license likely will have to be reissued to meet federal standards.

Aren't you excited? The same government where the CIA doesn't talk to the FBI and the FBI won't talk to the FAA and the DHS is 20something interagencies who are still trying to enter the 20th century want to implement a National ID to keep tabs on you. Terrorists are still not being caught and the deficit is increasing exponentially but your ass needs to be monitored.

Why does our government trust Saudi royals but not US citizens?

Watch for a rise in RFID reader sales, hacks, and unique methods for deactivation.

International Bonding

When our Preznit has his petrol buddies over, he holds their hands and strolls through the bluebonnets, when paired up with oil free nations he embodies the grace, wisdom and style of a petulant 3 year old.

After Bush finished, Vike-Freiberga then explained that they would take four questions — one for each president. Again, Bush tried to interrupt, saying, "Or you can have all four questions to me," knowing that foreign reporters usually want to use the opportunity to probe the U.S. president.

Vike-Freiberga ignored the remark as she called on a Latvian journalist, and Bush threw his arms up and looked to help from aides offstage. The Latvian journalist said he would prefer to question the U.S. leader, and Bush responded, "Yeah, I thought that might be the case."

And as he predicted, all four questions were for him.

DCDP Chair

Congratulations to Darlene Ewing on her new role as chair of the Dallas County Democratic Party.

I truly believe she possesses what this party needs in a leader right now.