October 30, 2005

How Could You?!?!?

Tom DeLay gets a mug shot, Oh Harriet withdraws her nomination, Wilma hits Florida in an off year and Scooter rides into the sunset. How could I possibly go off grid?

Fuckin' easy. When your views look like this, everything else, just melts away.

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Posted by kerry at 02:06 PM | Comments (3)

October 23, 2005

Sometimes the punchlines write themselves

Parrot died of avian flu, Britain says

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Posted by dave at 05:47 PM | Comments (0)

October 22, 2005

AIDS orphans in Africa take up a collection to buy Sudafed for privileged white woman in Toronto

Shorter Leah McLaren: That self-absorbed bitch thought she should be the centre of attention just because she was the bride. Didn't they realise that I HAD A COLD?

Posted by dave at 09:10 AM | Comments (0)

Linky goodness

The Eurovision Song Contest turns 50. A star-studded guest list will not perform "My Lovely Horse".

Rick Mercer visits Afghanistan. "On the second last day of the trip Guy [Lafleur] woke up and played ball hockey with the soldiers first thing in the morning, then put in a full day that ended with a four hour flight to another camp in a Herc. When we arrived Guy went and played another full game of hockey 9:00 that night."

Irvine Welsh discusses what's wrong with Scotland. "Another big difference north of the border is in the knife/weapon culture. It's still a widespread assumption, particularly in parts of Glasgow, that carrying a knife is acceptable behaviour. This probably goes as far back as the Highlander's sgian-dhu, but has more recent roots in the 'tools' culture of the city's industrial past."

Julian Sanchez gives Maggie Gallagher a thorough kicking as a reward for her general cluelessness regarding same-sex marriage. "The idea here is that there are too many cultural accretions of marriage to extend the legal institution to same-sex couples without appearing to give some kind of endorsement—conferring the cultural good vibes no less than the legal privileges. Gallagher doesn't seem able to see that the situation's perfectly symmetrical in this regard: So long as marriage (which, as she observes, was not invented by government) is bound up with the legal and political institution, the law will 'impose' in this fashion."

The Guardian's Rory Carroll explains what it's like to be kidnapped in Iraq. "The door clanged shut and a lock turned. Pitch blackness and silence. Going by previous hostage cases, this could be home for months. Still, no bag over the head, not chained to a radiator - could have been worse."

Robert Farley discusses baseball "curses". "The curse of the Red Sox evokes sympathy because it is undeserved. Lots of teams trade great players. Ruth is the greatest player, yes, but the sin of the Red Sox is different only in degree from that of every other team in baseball."

And for the two people in the universe who haven't seen it yet, SMILE!

Posted by dave at 08:55 AM | Comments (0)

October 17, 2005

Vacation or Mandatory Time off for Mediocre Behavior

The Boy King is in a downward spiral that makes the Zeppelin's last moments look pleasurable. The Dark Lord Bugfucker, who doesn't even have to campaign in his district, is leaving "I'm an innocent victim" voice mails on his constituent's phones. Dr. Feline Vivisection's under investigation by the SEC for behavior Dear Leader should have been fined for years ago. The Contract for America's been rendered obsolete. Turdblossom's making sure his nickname's not for naught. Judith Miller's made the Times reflect back fondly on Jason Blair. Iraqi's have voted in the consitution we think they should have while we're working to completely blur the lines between church and state at home. The leadership's spending more time, energy and money on foreign soil than they are at home.


Me, I'm going on vacation. Possibly, by the time I get back (around Halloween), the Democrats will have found their voice and the GOP properly humbled. I'm not going to hold my breath, but stranger things have happened. While I'm away, I've asked Dave & Lulu to fill in the gaps with their special blend of righteous indignation, vitrol, humor and snark.


In the meantime, questions must be asked.

Posted by kerry at 07:56 AM | Comments (1)

October 14, 2005

QOTD - Flavor... Bland

Dear NYT, where's the real David Brooks?

Republicans, who these days are as likely to be members of the corporate establishment as the evangelical establishment, are more suspicious of intellectuals and ideas, and more likely to believe that politics is about deal-making, loyalty and power. You know you are in establishment Republican circles when the conversation is bland but unifying. You know you are in conservative circles when it is interesting but divisive. Conservatives err by becoming irresponsible. Republicans tend to be blown about haplessly by forces they cannot understand.
Posted by kerry at 05:00 AM | Comments (1)

October 13, 2005

Shameless Plugging

Squeezed for cash this holiday season? Not sure what to get the person on your list who has nearly everything? Just need to get yourself something and ignore the rest of your family? In the mood to wear apparel that's guaranteed to raise a minimum of 5 eyebrows a day?

Then ask WWJD? He'd buy a shirt from Dan Piraro.

All proceeds from shirts purchased, go to charity. Can you think of a better excuse to buy? You get to help a worthwhile charity & piss someone off.

Now, click the image below and get busy.


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image used with permission from artist

Posted by kerry at 08:14 AM | Comments (0)

Aft Gland Packing

* Nothing's sexier than an administration, whose political capital has such vast reserves and who possess such enormously ecliptic testicles, they would dare to spend millions of tax dollars on an ad campaign to convince their constituents a pre-emptive, cost-overrun, life-losing bumblefuck war in the desert is not only just, but defendable. Imagine the impact they could have on Social Security.

* The House of Card. Pray for a mighty wind.

* Atrios et al are setting aside bottles and cases of champagne, just in case. Me, I've been sitting on a 1996 Marlstone that may fit the bill once the indictments are handed down.

* The reconstruction of New Orleans. Putting it right back like it was?


* Want a justice who supports the Constitution? Me too. Instead they're trying to sell us some crony mixture of Carrie Nation & Aimee Simple McPherson.

President Bush said aides discussed the nominee's evangelical Christianity with conservative backers because people "want to know Harriet Miers' background" so they can "form opinions."

"And part of Harriet Miers' life is her religion," Mr. Bush added. "Part of it has to do with the fact that she was a pioneer woman and a trailblazer in the law in Texas."

Sounds like a litmus test to me... just not the one everyone expected him to use.

Posted by kerry at 05:49 AM | Comments (0)

Gimme a Break!!!

Runner up for dumbest closer ever

Yet he still needs to find his voice, a clearer vision and maybe some better photo ops of his own. In Covington, as he was shaking hands with local folks at the edge of the NBC site, one woman threw him some Mardi Gras beads. Bush dropped them. "I couldn't catch them in the real Mardi Gras, and I can't catch them now," he quipped. When it comes to Katrina, Bush just can't catch a break.

He's the President of the United States, who chose to stay on vacation during the worst natural disater in recorded history and when he did, finally, come back to the job, it was only to push through a recess appointment to the federal bench. A break is given to those who 1) deserve it and 2) possess the humility needed to not only apologize profusely for their mistakes but will also, pull out all the stops to correct previous errors. He's 0 for 2 on deserving a break. Could the SCLM pull the administration's collective dick out of their mouth long enough to be objective?

Posted by kerry at 02:47 AM | Comments (0)

October 12, 2005

War Crimes

Complicity

If by the government's logic, using drugs makes you a sponsor of terrorism... then, being a taxpayer makes you a sponsor of indentured servitude and corporate slavery. (thx Peter)

Don't like it? Protest KBR & Haliburton. Vote the corporate welfare bum supporters out of office. Force the administration to bring our troops home. The negative ripple effect created now will haunt us for a generation or more. The longer we "stay the course" the greater the guarantee that ripple, becomes a tsunami.

Posted by kerry at 09:40 AM | Comments (0)

Quickies

* Sexism beats cronyism in the beltway version of paper, rock, scissors.

* What a petulant child.

* The energy whirlwind, reaped.

* Lying to Congress to justify war... still legal?

* Memo to Frist: You're supposed to do this before 40. It's called youthful indiscretion.

* Bearing the burden of a manufactured war.

* The 'left' is hurting America... exposing covert operatives, raping the economy and eliminating international goodwill... not part of the equation.

Posted by kerry at 05:09 AM | Comments (0)

The DIY Preznit

Caption This:

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Nothing says leadership like an autograph in a disaster area.

Posted by kerry at 03:47 AM | Comments (1)

October 11, 2005

Surgical Precision Shotgun

Jumpstart yer Heart

* Now introducing, The Federal Association Governing Journalistic Overview & Behavior or FAG-JOB for short. Ain't it gonna be fun touting freedom overseas and attack free speech at home?

* Tired of asking 'want fries with that'? Feeling like your overqualified and would rather be in a job that tasks you beyond your Peter Principle limit? Can you suck up better than anyone you know? Jobs guaranteed here.

* Bush declares God speaks to him. The White House denies it. God weighed in and stated that he does, in fact, speak to Bush. Bush just doesn't possess the skills required to listen and interpret effectively.

* Now if they'd just take out the killing, the harlots, the incest and the eye plucking stuff... I could let my kid read it.

* The Clenis, still wielding more power than a thousand suns. Harness the power of the Clenis.

* "There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know". NYC's decided to act on all of Rumsfeld's suspicions.

QOTD

As top Bush aide Karl Rove prepares for his fourth grand-jury appearance, the federal probe into who leaked CIA operative Valerie Plame's identity to the media is believed to be wrapping up. But the investigation has taken a toll on White House aides, many of whom now fear that the special counsel, Patrick Fitzgerald, is intent on issuing indictments. "Fitzgerald's office, although very professional, has been very aggressive in pursuing people," the adviser said. "These guys are bullies, and they threaten you."

Well it's no wonder the administration doesn't like this guy, his performance is the complete opposite of what we've come to expect from the Republicans in Charge. (see: osama)

Posted by kerry at 03:47 AM | Comments (0)

Gotta Love Texas

Texas is about to join the ranks of states, who feel homosexuality is reason enough to deny rights to loving couples. In November we're set to vote on the "one man one woman" approach to marriage as if it's not already a law and needs to be added to the state constitution. One would assume that Texas, being a state of individualistic people, would reject something this inherently stupid.

Instead, the stupid, write letters.

Apply her logic to prostitution, bigamy, pot

To illustrate the absurdity of Jacquielynn Floyd's reasoning, I make the following (sarcastic) suggestion:

Those opposed to prostitution, bigamy or marijuana should take a stand by not associating with prostitutes, bigamists or marijuana smokers, but they shouldn't support the mean and meddlesome laws that prohibit prostitution, bigamy or marijuana possession. Would Ms. Floyd agree with that?

She also states that it's hard to understand why so many otherwise sensible and decent people oppose gay marriage. I can't understand why an otherwise sensible and decent columnist seems obsessed with promoting the cause of people who clamor for "rights" on the basis of their perverted sexual orientation.

Bill Morgan, Dallas

Fascinating logic, isn't it? A state whose elected legislature can't get the schools funded can expend the vast effort required to amend the constitution, just, to pull an "us vs. them".

Posted by kerry at 02:26 AM | Comments (2)

October 10, 2005

Picking the Most Qualified

...and you thought nothing could top the "lick-a-comb" move. (edited ever so slightly for amusement)



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Posted by kerry at 10:48 AM | Comments (0)

Catch up

* PlameGate, may it be the prism through which this administration's true colors are shown.

* Eugene McCarthy's being resurrected.

* Government unwilling to fund body armor and punching bags. The latter may be more important from an international relations perspective.

* Not using sweeping generalizations at the expense of an ethnic group to make an inept point is a family value.

* Corporations and Cronies. Repeat as often as you can.

* Yes, God came down in a big white light from the heavens and instructed Bush to smite Saddam... it's just that when he first announced it to the Palestinian leadership it was dismissed as wacky. Now it's getting legs. Was everyone so deluded they weren't willing to believe that Preznit Dry Drunk was taking dictation from a 100 watt bulb?

Posted by kerry at 08:04 AM | Comments (0)

Like a Gift from God

A true believer in the tenents of the GOP faith, one can trust that not only do those on the right, talk the talk, but they also walk the walk. A true member of God's Own Party would never deviate from the straight and narrow and we can be assured beyond a shadow of a doubt that for Harriet, being above reproach would be an understatment.

Therefore we can assume that:

A Republican stalwart who, being a defender of the faith, ripe with all the right qualities to champion both the Constitution and the core principles of her Dear Leader, being unmarried for these 60+ years is in fact, a virgin.

Didn't Nostradomus speak of this when he said:

"A deciding yet inexperienced voice shall be chosen, whose unexplored uterus will speak for the masses on behalf of the ignorant".

Posted by kerry at 06:21 AM | Comments (0)

October 07, 2005

Trust Me

A smirk & the evil eye.

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Posted by kerry at 07:08 AM | Comments (2)

All about context

Parallels are Inevitable

And Islamic radicalism, like the ideology of communism, contains inherent contradictions that doom it to failure. By fearing freedom -- by distrusting human creativity, and punishing change, and limiting the contributions of half the population -- this ideology undermines the very qualities that make human progress possible, and human societies successful. The only thing modern about the militants' vision is the weapons they want to use against us. The rest of their grim vision is defined by a warped image of the past -- a declaration of war on the idea of progress, itself. And whatever lies ahead in the war against this ideology, the outcome is not in doubt: Those who despise freedom and progress have condemned themselves to isolation, decline, and collapse. Because free peoples believe in the future, free peoples will own the future.

:s/Islamic/Christian/g

Fundamentalism is fundamentalism.

Posted by kerry at 04:58 AM | Comments (0)

October 06, 2005

What About the Farewell Drugs, Sidney?

QOTD - Bozell. In defense of Bennett, because when you're "Right" you can say anything as long as you follow it with, "but that'd be wrong".

The contrast between Bennett's beating and Jackson's pleading illustrated the media's leftist worldview. Red-state America is still hopelessly racist, and conservatives are inherently evil. So Bennett's remarks must be sliced up and exaggerated, and even edited, to make that point. Liberals should be ashamed of themselves, except more and more, liberals have no shame.

Liberals are ashamed. They allowed their candidate to lose in November and failed to stop the rampant misuse of power and abuse of the constituency that followed. Mostly we're ashamed that people like Brent Bozell are taken seriously as keepers of everyone else's morality.


Elsewhere

* Fund raiser needed. Rush needs to experience some torture first hand. Detoxing from Oxycontin doesn't count.

* Ok, I'll cut Bush an infintisimal smidgen of slack, I wouldn't comment on this shit storm either.

* Gestational Certificate: like a drivers license for a uterus.

* Odds the Miers filibuster comes from the other side of the aisle?

* Gimme a T, gimme an O, gimme a R, gimme another T, gimme a U, gimme another R, gimme an E.... what's that spell? TORTURE... yay. Who wants torture? WE DO WE DO!!!!

* Why? Are they just waiting till all they have to deal with are dental records?

* Is it, maybe, just maybe time for internment camps? Plus, it's not safe having crazies loose, now is it?

Posted by kerry at 02:32 AM | Comments (0)

October 05, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Present...

The Preznit

Bullhorn moment, it was not. More akin to a book report given by a bored 5th grader who didn't read or comprehend the book and would rather be anywhere else than were he is right now. How far the mighty have slid into their role as apathetic lame ducks.

sliced and diced for wry amusement.



Q Thank you, Mr. President. Mr. President, of all the people in the United States you had to choose from, is Harriet Miers the most qualified to serve on the Supreme Court?

THE PRESIDENT: Yes. Otherwise I wouldn't have put her on.

There's a guarantee the American people can do without. "She'll do a heck of a job".



Q Thank you, Mr. President. Some conservatives have said that you did not pick someone like Scalia and Thomas because you shied away from a battle with the Democrats. Is there any truth to that? And are you worried about charges of cronyism?

THE PRESIDENT: Well, I just described to you why I picked Harriet. I'd be glad to go over it again if you like. In other words, she's eminently qualified. She shares my judicial philosophy. She is a pioneer when it comes to the law. She's an extraordinary woman.

The decision as to whether or not there will be a fight is up to the Democrats. They get to decide whether or not the special interests will decide the tone of the debate. Look, I'm upbeat about the tone of the hearings, but except I'm mindful of the fact that somebody as eminently as qualified as John Roberts did have -- half the Democrat caucus voted against him.

The party of corporations is calling the Democrats "special interests"? Hello, irony police... we have violation.

Q Thank you, Mr. President. You've taken time to express that you know her heart, her character, you've emphasized your friendship. So it seems reasonable that over the course of the years you've known her, perhaps you have discussed the issue of abortion. Have you ever discussed with Harriet Miers abortion? Or have you gleaned from her comments her views on that subject?

THE PRESIDENT: I have no litmus test. It's also something I've consistently said: There is not litmus test. What matters to me is her judicial philosophy; what does she believe the role -- the proper role of the judiciary is, relative to the legislative and the executive branch. And she'll be asked all kinds of questions up there, but the most important thing for me is what kind of judge will she be? And so there's no litmus tests.

A simple no would suffice. Your statements about knowing her heart, contradict your obfuscated no, though.

Q Mr. President, you presided over the largest increase in the size, the power and the cost of the federal government since Lyndon Baines Johnson. A lot of your supporters are wondering what's so conservative about that? And can you answer them, and tell the American people, given the budget deficit, the cost of the war, the cost of Katrina, specifically -- by naming a specific program or revenue measure -- how you're going to pay for all this?

THE PRESIDENT: First, let me remind people that we are at war. And I have pledged to the American people -- and, more importantly, the troops and their families -- we'll make sure they have what it takes to succeed.

At War. At War. At War. NO, we're stuck in a manufactured conflict concocted to either take over Iraq's oil or simply settle the boy king's score. Either way, that excuse is sooo 2004.

Q Mr. President, as we hop around here, let me move to the Valerie Plame investigation, which many people believe is coming to a close. As you know, some top members of your administration have been named as part of that investigation. Is it your intention, if anybody in your administration is indicted, to remove that person from your administration?

THE PRESIDENT: I am mindful of the investigation. I'll remind you what I said last time I was asked about this; I'm not going to talk about it until the investigation is complete. And it's important that the investigation run its course.

I'm mindful that we're on the cusp of being exposed for the vindictive fucks everyone's accused us of being all along and if you think I'm going to acknowledge that in advance, you're dumber than I am.

...Regarding FEMA

Q But you, yourself, sir, anything you could have done?

THE PRESIDENT: I'll take responsibility -- I'll take all the responsibility for the failures at the federal level.

Splendid opportunity for a Valerie Plame follow up question donchaknow.

Q What about 2008 and the Republican Party --

THE PRESIDENT: 2008? My head is not there yet. I'm right here in 2005.

I've named my ass, 2005.

Q Well, the second part of my question is, if there's no litmus test, regardless of who serves on the Supreme Court, would you like to see the Supreme Court overturn Roe v. Wade?

THE PRESIDENT: You know, I'm not going to interject that kind of issue in the midst of these hearings. Harriet Miers will stand on her own. I made my position very clear in the course of my campaigns, my position, and I'm a pro-life President. Harriet Miers is going to go up to the Senate, and they're going to look at her and determine whether or not she's got the temperament, the intelligence, and the philosophy to be an excellent Supreme Court judge. And she will be. She will be.

Cuz she promised. Crossed her heart, hoped to die (way into the unchanged future), stuck needles in her eye and we played hop scotch way into the night chuckling about saving unwanted babies.



Q Following up on that. For ten years you've been on the receiving end of paperwork from Harriet Miers, but the rest of the American people haven't seen either her command of constitutional issues or her philosophy. Will you release some of her, or the bulk of her White House legal work, and not claim executive privilege?

THE PRESIDENT: Listen, there is a -- there is a lot of -- first of all, this is part of the Roberts debate. People talked about executive privilege and documents. Secondly, it is important that we maintain executive privilege in the White House. That's part of the deliberative process. That's how I'm able to get good, sound opinions from people.

And so, you know, I'm sure they're going to try to bring this up. I happen to view it as -- as a distraction from whether or not Harriet Miers is capable of answering the questions she's asked. She can -- all the questions they want. It's a distraction from whether or not she will be a good judge.

But we -- this part of the process was part of the Roberts process. We handled this issue, and I just can't tell you how important it is for us to guard executive privilege in order for there to be crisp decision-making in the White House.

Cronyism does not crisp decision-making... make.

Q Thank you, sir. It may be a little early for this, but now that you've gotten your deliberations for the Supreme Court vacancy out of the way, can you talk about the process you're going to use for determining the next Chairman of the Federal Reserve?

THE PRESIDENT: Yes. It's ongoing, by the way. There is a group of people inside the White House who are bringing forth -- who will bring forth nominees. These are people that -- the nominees will be people that, one, obviously, can do the job; and secondly, will be independent. It's important that whomever I pick is viewed as an independent person from politics. It's this independence of the Fed that gives people not only here in America, but the world, confidence.

So, I'm going with Pete Rose. Man I love that baseball.

Q It is. Eighty-five percent of the Republicans approve of the job you're doing, but only 15 percent of the Democrats approve of the job you're doing. What is it about that the Democrats find so objectionable?

THE PRESIDENT: Ask the pollsters. My job is to lead and to solve problems.

Well, you're zero for two sir, how do you intend to rectify this before both of your duck legs become completely useless?

Posted by kerry at 05:38 AM | Comments (2)

October 04, 2005

After a Rousing Game of "Stump the Monkey"...

Caption: What do you get when you cross two shots of tequila with a question from Helen Thomas?



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Posted by kerry at 11:47 AM | Comments (1)

Innocuous Improbabilities

* Tom DeLay, a man who just needs to keep hollering. He's truly at his best in the spotlight.

* The Vietnam War, now in its 41st year according to some.

* Calling out Bill Bennnett on his vast lack of sensitivity is now, libel? Could someone fax Dennis Prager a clue?

* Katrina, the Gathering. Collect them all.

* Next new catch phrase, "dirty protestors".

* Federal Wiretaps, possessing all the finesse and surgical precision of a depleted uranium bomb in Baghdad.

* If when surrounded by 'yes men', Bush was to ask, "Am I truly the worst president ever?", would they answer yes?

* Shot his wad. Spent his allowance. Squandered his capital. Pick a meme.

* Trustworthy, maybe. Miers though still didn't have the power to guarantee Bush read or comprehended all the information she provided.

Posted by kerry at 03:33 AM | Comments (3)

Harriet, Oh... Harriet

Bush: "Cheney, I needja ta run out'n find me a VP".
Cheney: "Right here, sir".

Bush: "Harriet, I needja ta run out'n find me some justice".
Miers: "Right here, sir".

For an adminstration rife with cronyism and corruption that has contributed to catastrophic functional failures, one would think that, for a postion as important as a Supreme Court justice, they'd go for someone with judicial experience. They've even managed to disappoint Buchanan with this pick. Until Democrats start to dig in and begin to really investigate her background, the hard right are going to maintain their air of dismay at not being provided a fellow winger to champion. There appears to be a bit of disappointment that there might not be the fight they'd hoped for over this nominee. Another blow to the majority's minority martyrdom syndrome.

For fun, keep tabs on how many times you hear "she donated to Al Gore's campaign in 1988". Odds are it's more prevalent than "she was Bush's personal attorney", which adds an unprecedented layer of secrecy.

Posted by kerry at 02:43 AM | Comments (2)

October 03, 2005

Rovin' on a Scooter

It's gotta be rewarding when you're both the party in charge and the party with all the good headlines.

Recent GOP Success

* Defiant DeLay indicted by grand jury.

* Fecund Frist investigated by the SEC.

* Rove & Scooter build the bridge needed to link White House to CIA smear campaign.

* Interim House majority leader Blunt, chip off old crony block.

* Bush, last man still encouraged by news from Iraq. Confident in spending plan.

* Six degrees of Abramoff, ok... make that one degree.

* Circle of Champions.

But at least we know we can count on the Democrats to at least attempt to balance out the unregulated abuse of power wielded by the majority, right? Wrong.

Posted by kerry at 03:42 AM | Comments (2)