JE.SUS Christ... son, were you born in a barn? Oh, wait. Nevermind, I'll get the door.
* Science in Texas will now be one credit hour and the TAKS test will consist of one question; "How many days did it take God to create the Universe?" Extra credit point; "How long did he rest and he boned Eve with which body part of Adam's?"
* The only war America's going to win under current leadership is the one on Jesusmas.
* Even despite the bad rap... Peter was Principled.
* Even Putin's probably somewhere shaking his head going... Daaaaaaaaaang, man, at least my iron fist gets respect.
* Neat, Congress now has to enact legislation to ban acts previously considered be torture, reprehensible and been justification for convictions and war crimes in the past.
"If the reason for the season is the virgin birth, why don't the manger scenes involve stirrups, a midwife and a big bowl of hot water?"
In other news
* Prefab hotdog to go with your GMO corn on the cob?
* KBR, gang raping women in Iraq so they don't have to do it here. Again, fuzzy laws apply.
* The war funding's already so corrupt the mafia's feeling jilted, why not?
* He just cannot help himself... so cheated of the Vietnam experience was he, that it's become necessary to live vicariously through the irreparable injuries of others dying for his myopic vision. It's not enough to have just one or two failed fronts in the GWOT... 3 is truly a charm.
* Spoils of war... just out of reach in Syria. Democracy installed... NEXT!
* Chance the Gardner performs as instructed. Was told he did well.
* January 2008, Department of Justice approves CIA methods for use on non-combatant citizen detainees in the War on Reality within the continental U.S.
The Leader of the Free World displays his ruthless ambivilence.
One server move, a bajillion files manipulated, rebuilt, much nashing of teeth and 12 days later the monkeys return to the front of the cage to resume masticating loudly, picking lice and flinging feces liberally.
What did we miss kids?
* The Lead Special Underpants Gnome wants you to know Jesus is just alright and Joseph Smith Jr. is all uber cool and stuff and the best polygamist prophet a guy could ask for.
* "9/11 Washed My Sins Away", by Rapmaster Rudy G.
* The Liberal Media is an unstoppable force of influence.
* The wheel has been reinvented.
* The TSA, not just lifting your luggage but your personal items as well... all now, on ebay.
* Freedom is not free... it cost a bunch of money to develop the crowd control techniques to keep you subdued.
* Intelligence will from here on out be referred to as "loosely associated data cobbled together by a couple of underpaid temps in a closet manipulated later for general consumption" or LADCTBACOUTINACMLFGC for short.
* It's not about competence anymore... it's about who's willing to take jobs, nobody wants.
* Will we be better off four years from now than we are today? It's up to us.
* Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God, what is God's... which of course is absurd because we all know God has an inaccessible Swiss account and ain't nobody tappin' that well.
* Congress is feigning mock shock that the CIA might possibly have behaved badly then destroy the evidence. Waterboarding works folks and Harriet Miers, Alberto Gonzales and Karl Rove will now undergo required questioning in the manner allowed by US law. We have met the enemy and he is us.
* I'll be yer Huckabee.