January 28, 2008

SOTU -- v.7.0

State of the Bubble.

My fellow Americans, I can with all confidence, declare the state of my bubble, strong and fully intact. At no time in recent history, have we seen such dramatic changes in the housing market nor have we experienced such an international focus on the value of our currency. We have won two wars simultaneously and seen vast and immesurable changes across the Middle East due to our overwhelming influence. The changes in the poverty level, minimum wage and job loss over the last 7 years have been incredible and will contribute greatly to both my legacy and the health of the nation going forward.

Record numbers have been seen in the stock market, the oil and defense industry and an overwhelming influx of revenue into the "contracting" fields. Recent changes have required tough decisions to be made relative to many government programs from bankruptcy to healthcare for children from which I hope to strengthen the free market and spur new growth and creativity.

It has been an honor to serve as your President and I hope in the next 11 months I can effectively complete the tasks laid out before me. I intend to maintain the status quo and will strive to ensure its stability. I will continue to work with the Democratic majority on the Hill in the same manner and regard as I have in the last 13 months. My veto powers will be used judiciously, fairly and equitably for all.

Nine eleven changed everything and in this post-tragedy world, we must remember freedom is not free and payment is past due.

Good night and may my God bless.

Posted by kerry at 06:11 AM | Comments (0)

January 24, 2008


Watching the news is sooo confusing.

Fred Thompson's withdrawl from the GOP race claimed one victim this week with the death of Heath Ledger, proving that blowback can occur even in the insular world of Hollywood.

Condi Rice donned her cloak of plausible infallibilty and declared to the world economic forum that her confidence in Bush's confidence is all the nation's economy needs to restore itself to its pre-2001 state.

Bill Clinton is running as the earliest pre-determined VP candidate ever in a pre-Super Tuesday primary race while his wife uses an amalgamation of DLC and GOP tactics to piece part and then attack Obama's message. Kucinich is running still... but from what?

Congress is working to stimulate the economy and we wish them luck on finding the fiscal "man in the boat". Rub gently.

George Bush's lies didn't fall as far down the memory hole as he'd hoped but yet appeared disappointed at the low count despite coming in number one in his justification for his war of choice. As many speeches as he had given and the effort applied at jumpstarting his cheerleading career he'd assumed his total would have been much larger.

Other than all of this, everything's coming up roses. Cue music.

Posted by kerry at 03:04 AM | Comments (0)

January 21, 2008

Peculiar Particulars

* Obama, not Jesusy enough but since he subscribes, he's subject to inter-faith judgement. Next up, does he float like a duck?

* Frank Rich is incorrect. Reagan is not dead. Pieces of his memory and impact live on and his personality... well just look at Fred Thompson.

* If you can't beatem, cheatem.

* Money well spent. No sense in giving it to *ALL* the vets... just the spokesmodels.

* But but but... I thought we won the war?

* Supporting the troops now includes crutches.

* Joe Lieberman, 2008's Zell Miller. Can't wait for his GOP Convention speech.

* I thought tax cuts fixed everything but psoriasis, ringworm and tetter. Bummer.

Posted by kerry at 04:24 AM | Comments (0)

Birds of a Feather

Taking the metaphor 'right-leaning" to the next level

Posted by kerry at 04:22 AM | Comments (0)

January 17, 2008

Whaaaaa, no umbrella?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, one more of these fruity drinks and I might consider that harem offer.


Posted by kerry at 10:45 AM | Comments (0)

January 16, 2008

Can You Taste The Thumbtacks?

* As the lines between church and state blur into oblivion, the solution to the tax cut argument acquires deeper clarity.

* The spoils of war. Are these the "happy to have been a part of something great" guys that Tony Snow was talking about on Bill Maher?

* The government's finally going to have the tools it needs to find the White House and RNC's missing emails.

* What if? If there was one nugget of truth to the disbelief, would the public really want to know?

* Listening to Bush's speeches and comparing them to the facts... we must be operating in a faith-based economy.

* From Constantine to the Living Bible, edits, interpretations, manipulation and rewrites have overshadowed the "good book"... using blind faith in it to justify a theocracy is both scary and a wee bit Taliban-esque.

* Do as we say... not as we do. Remember, you may hold our debt, but we buy your oil.

Posted by kerry at 02:11 AM | Comments (0)

January 15, 2008

Iran so far away

Catching up on the highlights of Bush's mixed message Middle East Tour '08.

RIYADH (Reuters) - President George W. Bush said on Tuesday that he would hold Iran responsible if it hit American ships and warned the Islamic Republic not to behave provocatively in Gulf waters.

"If they hit our ships, we will hold Iran responsible," Bush told a small group of journalists. "They'd better be careful and not be provocative."

CAIRO, Egypt - A threatening radio message at the end of a video showing Iranian patrol boats swarming near U.S. warships in the Persian Gulf may have come from a prankster rather than from the Iranian vessels, the Navy Times newspaper has reported.

A video and audio of the Jan. 6 incident in the Strait of Hormuz featured a man in accented English saying "I am coming to you. ... You will explode after ... minutes."


However, the Navy Times, a weekly newspaper published by the Gannett company, quoted several veteran sailors as speculating the transmission could have come from a radio heckler, widely known among mariners by the ethnically insulting term "the Filipino Monkey."

The newspaper, which serves the Navy community, said U.S. sailors in the Persian Gulf have heard the prankster — possibly more than one person — transmitting "insults and jabbering vile epithets" on unencrypted frequencies.

Gulf of Tonkin anyone?

In his remarks on democracy, Bush reaffirmed but only mildly his belief that Arab nations must expand civil liberties and allow nonviolent political opposition. He emphasized roles for academics and civil society, and urged Gulf countries to consider their "human capital" as important as their oil. He acknowledged "setbacks" to democracy, such as the arrests of dissidents, but pointedly omitted mentioning U.S.-friendly countries by name.

While Arab political commentators typically blame U.S. foreign policy for helping to prop up the region's monarchs and authoritarians, Bush said religious extremism exemplified by the Shiite theocracy in Tehran and the Sunni militants of al Qaida were to blame for the stagnation of democratic reforms.

"For decades, the people of this region saw their desire for liberty and justice denied at home and dismissed abroad in the name of stability," Bush said. "Today, your aspirations are threatened by violent extremists who murder the innocent in pursuit of power...They hate your government because it does not share their dark vision. They hate the United States because they know we stand with you in opposition to their brutal ambitions."

...and then as a reward for the 9/11 hijackers, high oil prices, OBL, the repression of expression and subjugation of women...

WASHINGTON, Jan 14 (Reuters) - The Bush administration said on Monday it notified Congress of plans to sell Saudi Arabia bomb-guidance kits as part of a multibillion-dollar package of advanced arms to Gulf Arab states that U.S. officials see as helping counter growing Iranian military clout.

Amid concerns the bomb kits could threaten Israel, some U.S. lawmakers immediately said they would try to block the sale of the sophisticated weaponry, charging Saudi Arabia is not a "true ally in the war on terror". But it was unclear how far their efforts would advance in Congress.


The value of the deal was about $120 million, he said, part of an overall package of arms planned to be sold to Gulf states. The deals announced so far amount to about $11.5 billion, McCormack added. Last year, U.S. officials told lawmakers the total sales under the Gulf arms package could hit $20 billion.

Isn't that nice? Is this going to further our reliance on "foreign oil" Bush keeps talking about?

RIYADH, Jan 15 (Reuters) - U.S. President George W. Bush complained in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday that soaring oil prices were threatening the U.S. economy, raising pressure on the world's top oil exporter to help ease prices.

Bush said he would raise his concerns face-to-face with his Saudi host, King Abdullah, when the leaders decamp to the monarch's desert getaway, injecting a message that could put a chill on the night's festivities.

"I ... will again talk to his majesty tonight about the fact that oil prices are very high, which is tough on our economy," Bush told a roundtable meeting with Saudi entrepreneurs.

Bush's overnight stay at King Abdullah's Al Janadriyah ranch near Riyadh on Tuesday had been seen as a chance to set aside talk of Middle East peace, Iranian challenges and controversial arms deals that dominated the first day of his visit.

Bush has made clear he wants to deal with a subject that has emerged increasingly as an irritant in otherwise close relations between Washington and the Islamic kingdom, the most influential member of the OPEC group of oil exporters.

"I would hope, as OPEC considers different production levels, that they understand that if their -- one of their biggest consumers' economy suffers, it will mean less purchases, less oil and gas sold," he said.

Arms for Oil deal then? Gotcha

Posted by kerry at 02:06 AM | Comments (0)

January 14, 2008

With Scallions and Butter

In a split second, Bush's hosts realized the danger of handing anything on a platter that resembled wild game, to a posturing cowboy.


Posted by kerry at 03:13 AM | Comments (0)

January 11, 2008

We are not the droids you seek

* Our Brother is getting bigger. With the government keeping such close eye on us the signal to noise ratio's got to be unmanageable.

* The price of war is great and the ultimate toll, greater. Pack a tissue.

* Vote Ron Paul, his youthful indiscretions are unique.

* Torture, can be excused.. you just have to liken it to attending a Dixie Chicks concert. How far we've slid in defense of democracy.

Posted by kerry at 04:51 AM | Comments (0)

QOTD - Latent

In short, it's difficult to see anything in Obama's record that qualifies him for serious consideration as a presidential candidate, and we are left to conclude that his major asset is what we are all highmindedly supposed to disregard in evaluating him: the fact that he is black. And that alone, I submit, is simply not enough.

How about eloquent, introspective, inspiring and passionate... for starters? Qualifications we've not seen in a national leader in more than 8 years.

Posted by kerry at 04:47 AM | Comments (0)

January 10, 2008

On My Watch

The Shrub inserts his wisdom into more Middle East nuance.

I am confident that with proper help, the state of Palestine will emerge. And I'm confident that when it emerges it will be a major step towards peace. I am confident that the status quo is unacceptable, Mr. President, and we want to help you. And I appreciate your vision, and I appreciate your courage, and I appreciate your hospitality. And I appreciate you giving me a chance to talk to the press, of course. (Laughter.)


And there's going to be -- there will be no better difference, a clear difference, than the vision of Hamas in Gaza and the vision of the President and the Prime Minister and his team based here in Ramallah. And to me, that's how you solve the issue in the long-term. And the definition of long-term, I don't know what it means. I'm not a timetable person -- actually, I am on a timetable -- got 12 months. (Laughter.) But I'm impressed by the President's understanding about how a vision and a hopeful future will help clearly define the stakes amongst the Palestinian people.

Israel and Palestine get a timetable but not Iraq? One he wants to tout as a quick fix success and the other, is someone else's f'ing problem.

Cute isn't it how he's confident in the obvious but can't define long-term.

Posted by kerry at 03:14 AM | Comments (0)

January 09, 2008

Don't Pay the Ferryman

* Mesa sinks Bushie soundsa betta in dee owiginal Gungan. Thirda poisun nica sounda.

* $10 a day you can hire an insurgent. You may though get what you pay for.

* 11pm Sunday and Bush's been partying all weekend, test is at 7am in the morning... going to be a long night.

* In an era of Truthiness and portional Truthity, what used to seem implausible now seems the most logical.

* Ice ice baby. Emotion's an acceptable response honey. It's the crocodile aspect that makes us nervous.

* White knuckling the firm grip on reality.

* Need to fabricate a 'FEAR' related campaign sign for the GOP.

Posted by kerry at 04:12 AM | Comments (0)

Mucho Gracias

Thank you Hillary. Your narrow win last night helped us focus on what's most important this year... sending additional money to Obama.

Bonne Chance.

Posted by kerry at 02:17 AM | Comments (0)

January 08, 2008


Dear New Hampshire,

Think you can make Hillary shed more tears today? Find her ability to pull at heart strings while she goes for the juggular fascinating.

Just askin'


The monkeys.

Posted by kerry at 02:37 AM | Comments (0)

Leader of the Free World

Bush, pauses to determine the direction the winds of change have taken.


Posted by kerry at 02:13 AM | Comments (0)

January 07, 2008

You Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd

* If God really is one third of GOP, why hasn't he effectively intervened already?

* An impeachment proceeding would require the Hill to have guts... trouble is, it's not punishment enough.

* Happy Breastplate Translation Day.

* Parallels are scary.

* Trouble is, the next president's going to have twice as much work on his/her plate just to undo the last 8 years on top of the realtime concerns.

* Still ironic how abortion foes and death penalty advocates can reside in the same cranium.

* I'll be your Huckleberry. (apolgies to Val Kilmer)

* When the Kool-Aid stain fades.

Posted by kerry at 04:15 AM | Comments (0)

January 03, 2008

Iowa... Cock Us!

The after xmas sales continue today in the Midwest. This week and this week only, candidates are serving themselves up for the down-home vote.

The GOP smorgasboard offers:

  • Captain Special Underpants who's willing to toe the party line now that he really needs the base in the other 49 states.
  • Bush's Straight Talkin' Leg Humper who's getting less air time now that the Daily Show's off the air.
  • Another actor, this time with a trophy wife.
  • Mr. 9/11, with enough youthful indiscretion baggage to stuff the cargo hold of a 747.
  • A Baptist minister who's willing to pardon all the illegal Pakistani immigrants if they'd relocate to his AIDs island.
  • There's Tancredo and Hunter but unless southern fences are our highest priority, the suits are empty.
  • The Libertarian in an elephant suit.
  • ...and Jesus. But we all know the GOP base wouldn't vote for a liberal black hippie.

The Donkey buffet's serving up it's own steaming casserole.

  • Mrs. Bill the Tactician for whom being a centrist means *TRIANGULATE EVERYTHING!*.
  • An articulate African American who will single-handedly yank all the quiet racism in the nation to the forefront.
  • The son of a millworker.
  • Joe Biden (D - Bank of America)
  • The one Senator who thinks unwarranted spying is wrong.
  • French for "crushed rock".
  • A Hispanic with a mind-boggling resume.
  • The Yin to Bush's Yang complete with a MILF but is totally unelectable and a security risk with his alien ties.

By the time we see our extra day in February, all of this will have been decided for us and the remaining primaries will be exercises in futility.

As Dora, The Illegal Immigrant Explorer would say, "DELICIOSO!"

Posted by kerry at 04:45 AM | Comments (0)